"Responsibility does not only lie with the leaders of our countries or with those who have been appointed or elected to do a particular job. It lies with each of us individually. Peace, for example, starts within each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us."--the Dalai Lama
Things I learned this month:
(1) We often speak to avoid listening, using language as a defense mechanism--to build a wall that helps us to maintain a safe emotional distance from others and ourselves.
(2) The need for constant distractions is a sign that we are avoiding being alone with ourselves.
(3) Feeling passionate about the world around us is natural and good, in spite of our academic inclination to value reason over emotion, and in fact, many of us who find our home in academia do so because it's one place where we can avoid emotion and still be considered "normal."
4 comments:
Hey hon,
(I didn't get your message until tonight...paper went well. I finished it anyway and it ended up in a very interesting direction).
What a beautiful blog. Here's some things I am learning this month:
I can only control those things in my control--- I cannot control when my children will get bit by bugs or children, nor can I control their reaction. I can only control mine and how my projection feeds into them
I can only finish my projects, not someone else's.
Time spent with people you value is always time worth sacrificing for... even if the little things don't quite get done.
We will only regret the things we didn't do and say to those people in our lives whom we love and love us. We need to value them and treat them with care and try to find a place of understanding, because sometimes they need our help even when they don't know how to ask.
Follow my instinct. Oftentimes I don't and that usually bites me in the butt. I was right about telling Craig he can tell me anything and wrong about not taking B to the doctor. My gut tells me more than I give it credit for.
Allow myself some imperfections... I've been beating myself up about food lately but I would never be so cruel to someone in similar circumstances. I'm letting myself off the hook for now. I also realize that at some point I will need to regain control.
My friends are my family and my family are my friends. How blessed I am to be able to say that. How blessed I am to have such loving and lasting relationships with so many wonderful people.
We are all on this journey and we each travel with different items in our luggage, but we all manage to get somewhere in the end. I'm still wondering where I'm going, but I need to enjoy the process and not worry so much about the future. I need to focus on the now.
Hey, sweetie! Thanks for sharing all of the important things you've learned this month--I think they reflect those concepts that most of us are still trying to master, and reminders are always a good thing!
I'm still trying to remember, too, for example, that I can only control those things that are within my control; I cannot--CANNOT--control the events in other people's lives or the choices they make, even when I think they are making a mistake. All I can do is share my own experiences, hope for the best, and then be there for them if/when things fall apart.
I'm realizing, too, that regret is only good for about ten minutes. You recognize it, learn from it, and then move on. Otherwise, it just turns into guilt that you internalize, and all of the ice cream in the world won't make it stop hurting.
Allowing myself imperfections? Ah. My nemesis. I'm a long way from there yet, I think, but I'm working on it. My greatest imperfection is probably that I don't allow myself any imperfections... ;)
Love you,
K.
It's funny how things change so much from moment to moment. I have read this entry and my reply a couple of time the past few days and at times I feel like I really am working on those aspects and at others, well let's just say "not so much." Right now the roller coaster is headed up a big hill and while I now there is a scary fall about to happen, I can't do anything to stop it---I just have to hope that it stays on the track and hope that there are a couple of times I feel like throwing my hands up in delight and yelling wheeee! (and not puking on the people in front or behind me.)
Right now I'm living day to day and trying to do what I can, not pressuring myself too much, and revelling in my family. Isn't it ironic that I feel closer to Craig right now than I have in a long time? I feel like I need to trust in that right now because there doesn't seem to be much else to trust in.
I have a million things I want to do and a million things I want to say and two and a half weeks to do it in. But these moments are so tender and are filled with such intimacy that I wouldn't change them; only the inevitable morning we wake up and trek to the airport for a horrible good-bye to count down the days until he returns.
I don't really know what any of this has to do with the idea of looking forward or backward, except to say that I am valiantly trying to live in the moment while the future is beating me upside the head with a frying pan and it's beginning to smart a little.
I love ya too and I feel so blessed to have you in my crazy life.
You're brilliant, you know that? You're right: we should all strive to live in the moment--plan for the future, yes; learn from the past, certainly--but live in the moment.
The past can't be changed, and the future is tenuous, at best--and for you, right now the future must look pretty lonely.
I'm actually learning to do this more, but it's the most difficult skill I have ever attempted to master. For the time being, I'm flying without a net, working without long-term goals, and that's a first for me. Slowly, though, I'm growing accustomed to the idea. ;)
Love you, sweetie...savor the moments that you can with your hubby and family right now.
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