Time is such an intangible thing.
It comes, it goes, we lose track of it. It weighs on our hands and on our minds, it crawls by, and it flashes by at the speed of light.
I’m turning forty in a few months, and suddenly, time has become a tangible, frightening, and precious commodity. I don’t have nearly enough of it, even when it’s crawling by. I feel guilty for those times when I wish it would go more quickly, but sitting in a crowded doctor's office with a roomful of sick people, I find it hard to cherish the moment. Especially when my “To-Do” list has carried over onto the third page in my planner, and everything on it has a deadline of yesterday.
When did my life get so busy? But then again, when was it not?
Still lovin' every minute of it...
My little Kai-baby
Kai is a miniature Australian Shepherd.
Kai-baby & Beanie-baby
About Me
- Kacie
- English teacher, avid reader, and aspiring writer: I love musty old libraries, cozy mysteries, books, dogs, cats, friends, coffee, romance, chocolate, family, small towns, mountains, and my gorgeous husband...although not necessarily in that order! :)
2 comments:
"What book are you writing, Janet?"
"Well, I'm on page 249."
"That's great! What's it called?"
"My To-Do List."
Sigh....
Someday, honeybun, you'll look back on this post and cackle in your old lady voice: Forty? I was once going to turn FORTY? Is that true, Lonnie? Ronnie? Donnie?
Time has a weird meaning for me now. We're trying to speed up the clock or stop it right now, I haven't quite determined what it is we're doing.
Isn't it funny how time means different things depending on what is waiting at the end? Deadlines are good. They give us something to aim for, something to shoot for. But what if we don't want the ending? What if there isn't any finality (or at least you're hoping there isn't)? We've tried to live eight months in twelve weeks. We've tried to make the moments count and sometimes we've succeeded and sometimes it's felt contrived and disingenuous. But we've tried.
But the really crazy thing is, what pisses me off the most, is that had this deployment not been our "deadline" then we would have wasted the time, flushed it down the proverbial toilet. We need to be better at that, about seizing the to-do list by the balls and shaking all of those pesky items that SHOULD be done, but don't really have to be done, and let them fall away occassionally.
I think I'm going to try re-vising my to-do list into those things that are really important, like the summer weekends Janet talks about, like the walks with the dog you talk about, and like the moments in the backyard looking at the yellow moon in awe that there's a great big world and we are but an insignificant yet wholly important speck in that world. Yeah, I'm going to try to do that.
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